Creating a Peaceful Homeschool Atmosphere by Being a Peaceful Homeschool Mom
At the heart of every mother is the desire to create a peaceful home and homeschool experience for her children. Often, we feel like we fall short of hitting that mark.
If I am being honest, I can easily fall into the habit of looking at my days as isolated events. Overwhelmed with to-do lists, laundry piles, dishes piled in the sink, crumb-coated floors, unresponded emails, and texts, homeschooling can get my second-, third-, or fourth-place efforts some days. I tend to have an eye for what needs to “be done.” This shifts my focus to “shortcomings” instead of being present and engaged.
Does this sound like you, too?
As a homeschooling and working mom of three, I want to reflect on these homeschool years with fondness. I want to say we were present and engaged with one another, and my children grew their love for God, learning, and their family.
It takes a certain level of awareness and mindfulness to shift my focus. We all know we should shift our focus, but we forget. Our days are consumed with questions of what’s next? What’s for lunch? When is quiet time? Who needs help with their reading? What will I cook for dinner? Who has practice tonight? What will the weekend plans be?
We know that creating a peaceful atmosphere is crucial for both the parent and the child. A peaceful mom can cultivate a serene learning environment, fostering better educational outcomes and a healthier family dynamic. A more helpful question to ask is, “How can I create a peaceful atmosphere?”
Here are some practical tips for living engaged in the present. This desire to be engaged is central to most of us as mothers. When we are engaged, we find ourselves more at peace in our minds and ourselves. We find contentment in our well-being, in our home, and with our children.
I have eight practical tips for you in two categories: 4 for your homeschool approach and 4 for peace within the homeschool momma!
8 Practical Tips For a Peaceful Homeschool:
1. Become a Professional at Listening - A professional listener doesn’t listen to just the noise, chaos, sibling conflict, or grumbling. A professional listener is listening for clues that speak to the root of the problem. Some of the best teachers are those who have learned to listen well. This fosters an engaged connection and a supportive, trusting relationship rather than falling into the refereeing parent trap. Listen to what your children are saying and asking. Ask yourself, “Why is this important to them?” Then, reflecting to the root of the problem:
“You’re frustrated with this math lesson because it is a new concept, and you need extra help explaining it.”
“Your feelings were hurt when your brother spoke to you that way, and now you’re angry.”
Being a professional listener helps us build the heart connection we seek as parents and brings peace into the homeschool by prioritizing connection over correction or completion of a task.
2. Make Space for Flexibility. Rigidity will only get you so far. It limits how we engage and creates opportunities for connection. A consistent routine is important and necessary, providing structure and predictability. This reduces anxiety and stress for both you and your children.
Consider whether you are taking enough breaks. Frequent 5-10 minute breaks can change a mood and atmosphere and give us space to recollect our thoughts and control our emotions. Plus, kids need frequent breaks to help with attention and focus.
Consider switching up the order of subject learning. It might change the whole atmosphere!
3. Connection over completion every time. Shoulder a homeschool schedule that is attuned to your child’s emotional connection. Pause the school work for big feelings. Break apart lessons in half if needed, and put them away for the day or a few days. We want secure attachments in our parent-child relationship. Children learn better this way because it fosters a sense of safety and confidence that you will be there and support them in the way they need. This allows their brain to stay connected in learning rather than shutting down and having big emotions.
4. Schedule space in the day for free play and free time. This allows time for your child to use their imagination, problem-solve, try new things, and work out other parts of their day. This is true for all ages, from toddlers to teens. There are so many wonderful options and extracurriculars for our children to participate in these days. We can easily overschedule ourselves and our children without notice.
I challenge you to pause and consider your schedule to see if you have enough space each day for free play. Play that is not structured, led, or dictated by you as the parent. This allows for a sense of autonomy and independence to grow. Many parents desire strong, independent children who are critical thinkers and problem solvers. Free play each day fosters those skills. Play is a child’s work. Play is the language for children in which they learn. Allow time for your children to enter a “working flow” of play.
Interesting fact: It takes a child about 45 minutes to engross themselves in creative free play! Make sure you allow enough space and time for this to happen.
4 Practical Tips for a Peaceful Homeschool Momma:
1. Practice Gratitude. Those who are grateful are more optimistic and resilient and have greater neural sensitivity and brain connections in the parts connected to learning and decision-making. Gratitude strengthens the immune system, helps us be less sensitive to pain, and improves sleep quality!
List five things you’re grateful for each day. Get a paper journal and do this together. You can also purchase my 31-day gratitude journal, which can be downloaded and used for yourself or with your children.
2. Use Breath Prayers. Breath prayers are a short and straightforward way of using your mind and body to engage the word of God and connect to your body simultaneously to pause, breathe, and collect yourself. Whispering the words of scripture as you breathe in and out, slowly and deeply, over and over, over and over. Here’s a couple of examples:
“My soul finds rest (inhale), in God alone (exhale)” (Psalm 62:1)
“The Lord is my strength (inhale), my heart will trust in Him (exhale)” (Psalm 28:7)
You can do this anytime, anywhere. In our full days, pausing to say an intimate prayer can bring peace, calm, and awareness that the Lord is with and near us in our challenges.
3. Practice self-compassion & Patience. Be kind to yourself and your children. Understand that having off days is okay when things don’t go as planned. Repair and reconnect with your child over where and when you lost your patience. Ask for forgiveness. Re-establish the connection every single time before you move on to required tasks, chores, or school work. Articulate how you are feeling, and have your child work on expressing their feelings and needs, too. Here is an affordable feelings wheel to help with this process.
Talk to yourself the way you would a friend. Most of the time, our inner critics are much harsher than we would ever dare say to a person we care about.
Use mistakes and challenges as learning opportunities rather than sources of frustration.
Find a statement that is easy for you to believe and speak over yourself authentically, such as:
I am doing the best I can.
It’s okay to have a hard time right now.
I am learning to navigate this challenge right now.
Seek support when you are struggling or need professional help, such as a close friend. Text one another to set up a playdate. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if needed. Therapy or counseling can offer strategies for managing stress and promoting mental well-being.
4. Schedule rest. Putting all the fun and exciting activities into our schedules comes naturally. Things like book clubs, sports, field trips, library trips, co-op days, etc. are all good. However, they can be overstimulating or overwhelming to your body and its nervous system if you are always on the go and not creating intentional space for rest. Pencil in your planner or calendar a dedicated time to rest, sit, and do nothing to ensure it happens. Watch and observe what takes place. You might be surprised. Rest allows space and time for free play, flexibility, loving connection, pause to say a breath of prayer, and reflect with gratitude on this beautiful time in your life!
Judge the success of your days by these standards: metrics of the heart—metrics that measure peace, not failures or shortcomings. Make your expectations more reasonable, and you will find more peace in your homeschool.
Larissa Darter is a homeschooling mom to three children and a licensed mental health counselor and coach. She loves to craft, bake, hike, and read all things history with her family. She owns Prosper Counseling, an online mental health private practice. You can find her on IG and FB where she shares mental health and motherhood encouragement. Find her at:
www.prospercounsel.com
IG: @larissa.darter
FB: https://www.facebook.com/prospercounsel
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If you want more help defining your vision as a homeschool family, our Peaceful Life workshop can help. It includes prompts for designing your ideal day, planning for being and doing goals, and evaluating the missing links between your goals and your progress.
