Help For Behavior Struggles in Homeschooling
I had a rough day with one of my children recently and I was tempted to label the child in my head.
The word challenging and intense were my first thoughts as I looked at the child after this particularly difficult exchange.
However, I realize that if I don't take the time to forgive my child and reframe the way I am thinking, I'll start to project my frustrated feelings, and no child deserves to be stuck with a negative label.
When I need to recover from behavior issues, I first forgive the child to myself, taking time to say a prayer for the child and get my own heart in a soft place. I also take time to apologize for any way that my behavior was out of line in our exchange.
I do my best to clean up the emotional mess so we can get back into loving connection.
I then look at the practical issues surrounding the problem.
Were we overscheduled?
Did I give my child a healthy, protein-rich snack or meal?
Was my child having a "soul fever" (Kim John Payne of Simplicity Parenting coined this to describe anxious behavior surrounding transitions)?
Am I having a soul fever and making our home feel tense?
Do we need to add in more playful schooling and take a break from conflict-prone academics?
Do we need more cuddle time over great books or outdoor time?
As we take time to observe and assess, we can make our homes peaceful places to learn and grow and find creative ways to help our children manage their behavior.
Many experts disagree on what consequences to offer children who are not managing themselves well, so the best solution is just to avoid those scenarios by setting up healthy environments and rhythms (see Simplicity Parenting for suggestions).
What should we do when it’s too late to just avoid a meltdown? In my opinion, neither physical punishment nor time outs are helpful for a child who has lost it. Some research implies that traditional time outs and isolating are as damaging as physical abuse, (click to read article) and in my own experience what has helped the most was keeping my child close.
So often we can trace misbehavior back to the 5 questions above, so when we hit pause on our day, cuddle our child, offer a high protein snack and some quiet time with mom or day, maybe with a favorite toy, or maybe with an engaging story, we can reset the day and help our child find their equilibrium and joy again.
And if we aren’t calm enough to offer help to our child, maybe we need to take a time out to count to ten and then come back to problem solve?
The best strategy is to avoid these situations by creating calm environments, but we can’t always do that so having a few ideas up your sleeve for how to manage meltdowns can help us avoid the painful aftermath when we blow it.
Do you need to take a break from your current homeschool rhythm and have some fun?
Try our Summer Bundle with Ocean, Freshwater, and Garden Nature Guides. Our nature guides were created for children in preschool or kindergarten, but even a younger elementary child will be delighted with the engaging play and learning that is included in these guides.
Sometimes our children need more routine and more structure, our Chore and Routine Pack is helpful for establishing daily rhythms.